More than anything else, the NBA is about splendor, grandeur, and spectacle. And nothing captures those adjectives better than a Craig Sager suit. He’s the big, lovable, and surprisingly entertaining sideline reporter that always gets noticed thanks to his vibrant, sometimes ghastly, and always ‘fantastic’ suits.
Put simply, the man’s suits are things of grotesque legend. They will outlast the entirety of the human population. TVs have melted trying to render the colors. An entire section of fans at TD Garden were left blinded when Sager entered the arena last week. LeBron James has missed 17 game-winning shots while distracted by a Sager suit. Ron Artest started the Malice in the Palace because someone attempted to take a photo of a Sager suit, claiming “no one should be forced to see such atrocities.”
So in honor of the NBA Finals, here’s my take on the 10 worst Craig Sager suits of all time.
10. The Churchill Downs Syndrome
The combination of the suit’s color and the image’s blatant hue issues make this once-average suit an incomparable eye-bleaching mess. It’s like heading to the Derby on acid.
9. The I-Can’t-Believe-This-Isn’t-Farther-Down-The-List
To the layman, this would easily be considered the ugliest suit in the world. But it barely cracked the top ten. Yes, it gets worse. And no, it’s not too late to stop reading.
8. The Chia Pet
I intentionally missed the Craig Sager Chia Pet limited release, but unfortunately it was captured on camera so that we could all be subjected to its mossy horror.
7. The Double Rainbow
Much like the real double rainbow, those who witnessed Sager’s tie were heard shouting and then subsequently brought to tears. “What does this mean?”
6. The Flamingo
Do not adjust your screens, his suit is actually this visually offensive. Liberache wrote Craig Sager a personal letter exclaiming how offended he was by this suit.
5. The Pocahontas
I thank God every night that Sager’s Pocahontas tribute suit wasn’t movie accurate. You should do the same.
4. The Christmas Evil
In order to obtain this suit, Craig Sager had to kill Santa Claus. And to think, LeBron asked for a ring this year.
3. The Hunter
It’s unclear whether Sager went hunting before the game, or planned to head out afterwards. But one thing is for sure: upon seeing this suit, the player he’s interviewing just said, “please shoot me”.
2. The Mourning Period
After this image hit the internet, Amazon was pressured by consumers to remove Alonzo Mourning’s book from their online store. Barnes and Noble and Books-A-Million soon followed suit. When customers discovered that Borders still stocked the book, the ensuing boycotts forced the company out of business. Alonzo himself refuses any association with the book, calling it “the bane of modern literature”.
1. The Bruce Pearl
Thanks for reading, and for the record, I actually like a majority of Craig Sager’s suits.
Filed Under: Basketball
About the Author: Corey Tincher is a lifelong Kentucky fan and professional writer who couldn't keep the two worlds apart. He is the lead contributor for StraitCats.com and literally wrote the book on the 2012 NCAA Tournament Championship run, Big Blue Articles: Kentucky Basketball in the 2012 NCAA Tournament. Follow @Corey_Tincher on Twitter for more Kentucky news and discussion.